For a few months I’ve had this mix bag of emotions. If you pull one chip from the bag it was titled complacency. If you pulled the other chip from the bag it’s titled, what do I do next? I’ve kind of been floating between these mixed emotions for a while. I’m comfortable in the complacency stage but know that I should be doing more.
I’m just not sure what more looks like. In all areas of my life things are well. Some areas better than others. The areas in which I would like to take to the next level, is difficult. Walking a path with no direction is hard. Figuring out the caution, hazard, stop, yield, and go sign is no easy feat. Yet, I find myself walking. All free time I have is dedicated to this area of my life.
Fasted, prayed, praise, worshipped you name it, I’ve done it. Submitting my plans to Him, being open and attentive for his direction is where my focus lies. One morning my alarm went off and I awaken extra tired. Not sure why because I got plenty of rest the night before. I began my morning routine with reading the word, using the restroom…you know starting the day.
As I returned to the bedroom I heard within very loudly “GET MOVING”. Multiple areas of my life came up in which I believe are the areas that God is signaling for me to “get moving.” One of the areas that was brought to my attention was the very area I submitted to Him. With no more direction than “get moving” I did just that. That message from God got me so energized.
The mix emotion chip, what do I do next… just came. Not because I knew what to do next, but because of the Holy Spirit guidance. Now here is the kicker, through all this “moving” I became frustrated. I found myself in this pattern again of complacency and what do I do next. Even though I was moving, I was still battling these emotions.
As if what I was doing wasn’t enough, but at the same time satisfied with what I was accomplishing. Keeping my mental health in check became a battle.
After I completed a task, I would ask God is this what you meant? Did I do it correctly? and so on so forth with the 100 questions. The more I second guessed what I did, the more I spiraled.
Through the spiraling, I found myself battling being obedient to God. This is where laziness and complacency began to settle. As I was scrolling through TikTok I came across a post from a content creator that goes by the name of Dah:ter. She said that when God told her to do something she was focus on doing it right and was afraid of disappointing God when it wasn’t executed perfectly.
That was me. The focus was never on doing what He told me. I was more focus on how God viewed what I was doing. Dah:ter went on to say that when God called her into a fast or spending time in prayer it was because he saw a need in her that she needed to encounter Him and be reminded of his love. There is something coming to shift the atmosphere and she needs to be grounded in His love.
Is that not mind blowing? At least to me it was. When God commanded me to “get moving” he disguised my need. You see, I thought His command was all about the “thing” I was praying for. And to a degree, I think in some way, it was. However, I now see His command was an invitation to correct my heart posture regarding the mix bag of emotions that had been weighing me down.
It was about having an encounter with God to meet and resolve a need that came in the form of command.
Here are four things I’ve learned through His command:
His command is a way of getting my attention.
His command is a way of alerting me to an issue that only He can resolve.
His command is a way to impart His wisdom.
His command is a way to confirm and ground my identity in Him.
Whew child, trying to comprehend God’s mind when His thoughts and His ways are higher than ours. Is there an emoji for that? If so, leave it in the comments.
Ease & Stillness,
Chetoca B
Lena Walker
Yeap, understanding God’s thoughts and plans can be difficult! And confusing! We gotta keep trying though. 💞