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I was today year’s old when I realize that my relationship with God has gone through different levels of trust. When God speaks to me directly, I can relax and look forward to what he has told me.  Doesn’t matter how long it takes.  In the waiting I find that I don’t question Him.  I peacefully wait for what He told me would arrive.  Perplexed, unsettled, and frustrated are the emotions I feel when God didn’t provide a response or if I felt like He didn’t provide enough information.

Along with the levels of trust also comes levels of intensity. At least for me.  I am an emotional person.  Life plays me like a musical instrument and my emotions is the music that is produced.  Often, I am a mess.  I feel deeply.  While I’m easily moved by things, overtime I have been able to control how those emotions show up outwardly. That’s important to note as once upon a time I used my feelings as a manipulation tactic in hopes that God would answer me quickly.    

I realize that I wasn’t respecting God and that I was using my emotions to make demands on Him.  The question becomes why am I so emotionally intense?  I have no idea.  My uncles used to tell me that as a little girl I would cry to Anita Ward’s Ring My Bell.  Emotions are not bad in and of themselves.  I believe they are essential to help us process experiences.  However, I do believe we should use our emotions in a productive way.

Proverbs 3:5 says, “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.”  Welp this obviously poses a problem for me.  There are situations in which I trust God implicitly and there are other situations in which I don’t know. As I look back on situations in which “I don’t know” exist, the culprit is Faith & Pride.  At the start of this post, I communicated that I am left unsettled when I feel like God’s response is less than my expectation.  I know, I know.  The audacity of me.

If that’s not pride in its rarest and ugliest form; I don’t know what is.  You don’t have to rip me to shreds.  My guilt is having a cool party of its own.  I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase you either trust God or you don’t.  I’ve often used this phrase in counseling others and myself.  My stance on this was birth from Revelation 3: 15-16.  This verse talks about being a lukewarm Christian.  If I had pearls on, I would clutch them so tight that I’m liable to leave a tiny bruise.  For now, I hold tight to my t-shirt and the thousands of wrinkles I’ve created.

The thought of God spitting me out of his mouth ties my stomach in knots.  Yet, I know trusting God unequivocally is something I must deal with. Recently I read an article that stated there are 4 levels of trusting God. The author of this article stated that trust grows and develops over time with experience. Let’s explore the 4 levels of trust. I will identify which level I’m experiencing when “don’t know” rears its head.

The Acknowledgement Level

A person trusts God only for salvation and not much else.

The individual totally trusts their own intuition, their own money, their own ability.

The Seeking Level

The person trust God for salvation and begin to seek His help in other areas.

The person begins to seek Gods help and only trust Him when things get rough

The Association Level

The person has a history of seeing Gods faithfulness and trust Him most of the time.

The Dependence Level

The person trust God for almost everything and seeks His counsel and will in most of life’s endeavors.

Ma’am/Sir, I have gone through all these levels and have made 50 whole trips around them and back again.  Now, I think my pendulum swings between the association level and the dependence level.  Be intentional when it comes to moments of reflection.  The intentionality will help you identify areas of opportunities. During this moment of reflection take a look at far you’ve come and the path you are currently on.  I have grown so much in my walk with God.  While it’s not perfect, far from over, I wholeheartedly enjoy walking and learning of him.

My experience with Christ has shown that the different levels and attached emotions, was part of the maturing process.  So many times, I wish that God would touch me and I become the perfect child of God. While I wish God could just touch me with his garment and make all of these ebbs and flows of emotions disappear, I’m kind of glad it doesn’t work that way.  I mean, how else will I grow and develop into who he has called me to be.  How about you?

Ease & Stillness,

Chetoca B.