Blog

Picture this you and I are besties.  It appears that we ride for each other.  Whatever you need I got you and whatever I need you got me.  As my bestie, I asked if you would come over and help me clean out some of the trees in my backyard.  It’s a job where I can’t afford to pay someone, but if you help me, we could have it cleaned out same day.  As my friend, you agreed to come over and help.  A few hours have passed, and I offer you a tall glass of cold water with a teaspoon of rat poison. 

Would you drink it?  You would probably say no, right.   So then, why do we (including myself) entertain “friends” who are poisonous to us?  Why do we feel the need to keep them around?  The need to make excuses for them?  Have you ever thought that some of problems that occur in our life stem from the people we embrace?  I am NOT saying stay on an island all by yourself.  No. Community is a necessity for all of us. 

We should all be open to new friendship and not be so naïve to who a person shows themselves to be.  It’s like having a snake for a pet.  We all know that snakes by design are dangerous.  Doesn’t matter how much we feed and take care of them they are still dangerous.  In knowing that we trust the snake to be a snake; we also know there is a possibility that the snake may try to attack.  If that happens you can’t be mad at the snake, but you may be disappointed in yourself for keeping the snake around.  

In the words of DMX and Michelle Obama trust people to be exactly themselves. Be open to friendships, but watch what people do.  When our antenna goes up about a person that is a decision point.  The decision point is to determine if one should continue the friendship or let go of the friendship. The same way you wouldn’t drink the water with the poison is the same concept of having a poisonous friend; just say No.  Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s not easy to end a friendship. 

It took me about 3 years to end a friendship. I continued making excuses for their unacceptable behavior in my head. I can say when I finally made the decision to end it, I didn’t go back.  What keeps us from moving on from a relationship that we know is toxic, disrupts our pace, and continues to make their problems our emergency? Are you afraid of what the “cut off” will symbolize?  Are you afraid of losing the benefit this poisonous relationship seems to offer?

For me, I really enjoyed my talks with this individual.  This person offered good advice and part of me felt like “ok, when this person is gone who am I going share things with?”  I know, crazy thought right?  As if, there aren’t a billion other people in the world where I could cultivate this same type of friendship.  The problem was I didn’t want to cultivate the friendship with someone else.  I wanted my friendship with this person to work.

While this individual had some good attributes, the dark moments of our relationship was a bit too painful for me.  While I tried to allow grace to do its thing through me, I was prompted to have a conversation with this individual.  When it was time for this individual to take ownership, their response was “ok I’m sorry.  You know I didn’t mean that.” While I believed they believe they were sorry, unfortunately too many things kept resurfacing that was negatively impacting me, and I finally couldn’t do it anymore. 

Proverbs 13:20 says, “He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.”  How long will you continue to suffer?  It is not rude or mean spirited to end relationships with people off who are impacting us negatively.  Now, there is a way in which we should approach the situation but know you can love and care for people from a distance.  The people whom you surround yourself with are important and impact every aspect of your life. 

Realize that you are just as important and worthy of everyone being respectful to you.  Your today will impact your tomorrow.  Time is the one thing we can never get back.  Don’t spend today in an unhealthy relationship.  Learn to walk with wise people. If you need help setting healthy boundaries please complete the form on the life coach tab.

Ease & Stillness,

Chetoca B.